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The Burden

Nandini Mandal (TYBAMMC)

There is not a single thing in this article that I have written which
you don't already know. You probably have witnessed more
injuries than I could ever imagine. You probably have more to
share than I ever will be able to. But at least I can assure you that
you are not the only person suffering. We have reached that stage
of our life that we can no longer distinguish pain, or rather the
type of pain. We have seen so much, heard so much that now
every little thing becomes so overwhelming. Something as little
as your parents comparing you with your 30-year-old cousin can
make you feel so useless, or watching a beautiful reel about
missing a loved one and not having one. Be it missing someone
you have lost recently, or worrying about your studies or a job. We
feel burdened. We feel powerless.

You may excel in all fields of life with complete happiness, yet there will be something or someone always ready to
remind you about that one thing or in my case things that you couldn't achieve. I am 19, and I had a list at the start of
the year, “THINGS TO DO BEFORE 20” two months left, and I'm still just staring at it. I have completed a few,
ignored most blaming the pandemic. The point is “Jitna bhi try karlo, life me kuch na kuch chootega hi” you know
the rest. We all know this, we all have been there, done that, and even learned from it. Yet there isn't a single day we
don't think about that one thing which we could have done better. That you could have taken that holiday to relax,
you could've replied a little gently to that text, or you could've started working out from that day.
I used to think we learn from our mistakes, but tracking down our patterns, no we don't. We wait; we wait for
someone or something to make us change our behavior because we usually aren't ready. We all are aware of both our
potential, as well as our limitations. We are also aware that some things don't work for us the way they work for
others, yet we are frequently envious and have even made envy and talking down for ourselves the norm.

Everyone has got issues, for example, the ones who can't find internships or maybe they don't even want to, but peer
pressure kills. We all have our burdens, but we should hear ourselves when a friend calls for advice for the same. My
point is we all know what is wrong with our thoughts and how to fix them. We all have the answers to these questions
until it's not ours. We want to help others change, feel good about themselves but not us. Perhaps we feel that we
don't deserve it? Maybe we feel we have to go through all this to get to the end because if things were simple, they
wouldn't be right. Right? How can we end a story without complicating it with random unnecessary emotions? But
you know, we can. Again, there is not a single matter in this, my piece of writing that you didn't already know.
Maybe I'm just giving you food for thought. All I'm saying is just go on that stupid trip, take a day off, tell that person
you don't like him instead of ghosting him, tell your parents you are trying your best and your path is different, kiss a
near and dear one and eat food without the guilt of not working out… just because you want to.

HINDUJA HORIZONS 2020 58
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